The Repercussions of A Death

I’ve never experienced a death before, I’ve only ever seen them on TV  Early Saturday morning a car crashed in a ditch on an A road. Killing the driver instantly, the other front passenger died later in hospital, 3 men in the back of the car 2 in critical condition in hospital and a 3rd is stable. I didn’t know any of them at all. But one of the girls was in my year of school. She was a loud, always laughing, at parties every weekend kind of girl. It’s strange to think that no one will see her again. That a year ago my year was in school. That girl will never fall in love, get married, have children, get her dream job, grow old or any of the things that we take for granted. That none of them will.

I never expected her death to affect me so. I never knew her, yet thoughts surface that I never thought much of before. That I am alive. I am breathing. Around the world approximately 2 people die every second, 105 people die every minute, 6316 people die every hour, 151,600 people die every day and 55.3 million people die every year. (source: http://www.wholesomewords.org/missions/greatc.html#birdatrate) You and I will eventually be one in of those numbers. It’s a scary thought. To be a number or statistic.

To say I’m afraid of dying would be a lie, but to say I’m not afraid of dying would also be a lie. I’m not sure how I feel about death, and I don’t like to think about it much. Especially thinking about how I’m going to die, will I be awake or asleep? As J.M Barrie said in Peter Pan ‘To Die Is An Awfully Big Adventure’.

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Hannah

Being Alone, College and Hard Work 13/05/2013 – 18/05/2013

I am not ashamed to say that I didn’t go into school on Monday. As my parents were away all I wanted to do was spend time with Jack. We never spend quality time alone, truly alone. So I didn’t go in and we spent the day chilling, watching telly and being ourselves. We (Jack) made burgers for dinner and they were the most delicious burgers I have ever had. We even ate our dinner watching the telly, something we haven’t done in ages!

Tuesday brought my college interview, it was at half 9. Which was good as it’s not an awkward time. I wasn’t nervous for my interview,  and I had no need to be. The lady who interviewed me was head of the childcare department, I have applied to do a childcare course. I told her a about applying to be a TA, asked her which way would be better in to being a TA. She replied that the only differences are that going to college gets me UCAS points to get into uni and that the college will be there to push me. Also she said if I miss a day or 2 for whatever reason I will have a lot to catch up on. Which isn’t good really, this year I have been unwell a few times and when I had the flu I had a week and a half off. Imagine how much work I would miss. Each day I would have a different topic and doing 6 – 7 units at one time. That’s a lot of work for one person, it’s crazy how much work you have to do. I remember when Jack was doing his photography Btech, every night he would have so much course work to do, he didn’t stop till 10-11 o’clock at night. I’m not saying I’m afraid of taking on the work load, because I’m not. I know to get where you want you need to out in everything you’ve got to reach that goal. To be honest, I don’t want to go to college. I would rather be at a school, learning on the job. I want to take courses to learn sign language,  about teaching autistic children. Being a teacher, I don’t think is right for me. I prefer working with smaller groups.

On Wednesday I went to school with no fuss, and for the first time I was early. However through out the morning, I was very teary. No matter what I couldn’t stop crying, I really couldn’t concentrate on anything and I couldn’t stop for tearing up. At lunch time I decided to go see Jack, to just talk. I knew I needed him to snap me out the strange mood I’m in and it worked. He gave me the pep talk I needed. When I went back in, I was in a far better mood and the rest of the day went by well.

Thursday was a lazy one, only cleaning and going to work. I had got the dates for when I would be doing my lessons for the course I am on. Yesterday I went to school with no fuss. When I got in I found that I had my own reading group and that I even had a folder to record the questions I ask and their response. I felt really good, and I went through the rest of the day. I had to redo a display board, this time with another TA. We decorated the boarder and put brick patterns on the background with paint and sponges. I had a good time and I learnt a lot. I got off early as all the TA’s do, and went home to Jack. I rang him to tell him I had finished. I ran to meet him and when he saw me he began to run too, just like in the movies I ran and jumped on him and gave him a hug. We got home had lunch, cleaned up, relaxed and watched the Hunger Games.

All day today I have been doing my course work for my Level 1 in gymnastics. It took me ages! I had to write an entire lesson, from the minute a class walked in to the minute they walked out. I was given a 6 matrix boxes to choose from and for every apparatus there was a certain skill they had to do, which I had to plan a 15 minute session building up to that skill. It took me a while to think of how to break down each skill, to get to the final result, but in the end I finished. Even though my lesson isn’t for another week, I like to be prepared and to have it already done and not leaving it until the last minute. Afterwards I relaxed.

Hopefully tomorrow I will have a nail post up and I want to write about a topic that is, in my opinion becoming a serious problem. All done by this time tomorrow!

Check back soon

Hannah!

Buzz! Buzz!

As the weather was so nice last weekend I decided to do a bee inspired nail design. I have seen a lot of different ways to do bees nail design. But I found a really nice design that I really love and it was so different from the other designs. Here is the design, I hope you guys love it as much as I do!

The Stuff:

To create this design I used: Essie in Rock Solid, Essie in Lapiz of Luxury, Essie in Blanc, Max Factor Nailfinity in Onyx a yellow nail polish, a thin paint brush, a dotting tool and cotton buds/cue tips.

To start  off this design I first shaped my nails to my desired length and shape. Then I used a buffer to make my nails smooth so no ridges will appear when polish is applied. Then I used a plain piece of paper and drew a rough design of what I wanted my nails to look like, it helped as I perfected drawing a bee. Then, when I was happy with my rough plan, I used Essie in Rock Solid as my base coat. Once it was completely dry I used 2 coats of Essie in Lapiz of Luxury. I used this colour as it makes bee stand out more, compared to having completely yellow nails.

Whenever I do nail art I like to leave my nails for a few hours, just to make sure that when I draw/dot my nail polish won’t drag as it’s till sticky. I started off my using a dotting tool and Max Factor Nailfinity in Onyx. I put a small amount on a piece of paper and started  creating random wiggly lines for a bee trail. I wanted my bee on my thumb, so I created the wiggly lines up to my thumb. Then on my thumb I only did a few dots, with enough room for a bee.

Then I used a thin paint brush and used a yellow nail polish. I only had a yellow stripper as my yellow nail polish had gone horrible and gloopy, so I had to use the stripper colour. Instead of a paint brush you can use a stripper if you feel more comfortable using one. I put a blob of yellow on a piece of paper, dipped in my paint brush. To create the bee shape, do a tear drop to the desired size. It took me a few practices to get the shape and size right on the piece of paper, so I recommend practicing the shape and size before painting the bee on your nail. That way you have a smaller chance of getting it wrong on your nail. If you do get the bee wrong, using a cotton bud/cue tip dip it in nail varnish remover and wipe of the bee. The nail varnish under the bee is likely to come off to, so paint the area again and wait till it’s dry before drawing the bee again. Don’t worry about if the mistake will show, as you will go over it with the bee shape. I know this all works as I got my bee wrong!

  Once the bee is totally dry, using a thin paint brush. Dip the brush in a black (I used Max factor Nailfinity in Onyx, the same as the dots) and draw a thick semi circle for the bees face. Then draw thinner lines for his strips. In the middle of the bee, draw two small wings.

Then when the stripes and wings are completely dry, using the thin pant brush paint the inside of the wings white and place a small white dot on the bees face for his eye. Don’t worry if you get white polish on the outline of the wings, just go over the black lines again.

As I am not left handed, I decided to do my left hand different to my right. Instead of attempting to draw bees, I decided to do clouds. I put a blob of Essie in Blanc on a piece of paper, using a cotton bud/cue tip dip the cotton bud in the white. I twirled mine around then dotted it in random shapes on my nails.

Once your nails are completely dry use a top coat to seal in the design. Alternatively for the bees you could go all the way around in black, but I preferred no outline as it looks more cartoony.

The completed result!

I really love this design and how it turned out! I think it’s so different from the other bee designs. I got so many compliments with this design. Also if you want this design or any other design to last a bit longer, go over the design in a top coat every few days. I hope you have enjoyed this tutorial and if you try it out I hope you love it too!

Check back soon

Hannah!

The Application 07/05/2013 – 11/05/2013

On Tuesday we rested as Monday had been busy, we caught the latest episode of the Kardashians on E! News and watched E! for the rest of the day until it was work time. Wednesday was a school day and I was shadowing Sophie (she also works at gym). I had fun and I learnt more about teaching children with learning difficulties. Also I found out that the school I am volunteering in has 2 TA positions available. When I got home Mum had printed off 2 copies (in case I did one wrong) of the application form. As I was already doing work for my gym course to take in on Thursday, I decided to get my gym work done then do the application on Thursday. I naively thought that I would have my application finished by lunch time. However, Thursday lunch time came and went and I was still filling out the application. I still hadn’t finished by the time I had to go to work as I didn’t really know how to start off my cover letter. At  work I took in my folder, with the completed task and, the 2 hours I was there, Kirsty didn’t even look at it when she said she would. That really annoyed me as I think I am further behind than everyone else, and with Kirsty not even looking at my folder when I have to send the folder off in 2 months, and I still have 3 more tasks to complete. It’s so irritating that she will take loads of time on everyone else’s folder but when it comes to mine she doesn’t seem bothered.

When we got back home, it was going to be a late night. We had dinner, a shower, I went to ask Mum how to write a cover letter, got her to look over my application in case I had done anything wrong, re-wrote out any mistakes and wrote out a cover letter. I finally went to sleep at 11:30 pm. I was so tired and when I woke up Friday morning it felt like I hadn’t been to sleep. I went into school, handed in my application. The main thing I am worried about with my application is my age, that because I am only 17 it will go against me. But I don’t see why it should. I have 5 years experience of working with kids a variety of ages and I’m volunteering at the school to gain experience of working in a school. So hopefully I stand a good chance of getting one of the two jobs going!

I was with a year 5 teacher today and you can tell she has never been a TA. I had to unstaple a display board then put up a new one. I have never done that in my life, and I was left to do it by myself. I even stayed in during my break to try to get it finished,but the display board was the worst. When the teacher came back in, she told me how to do it properly, and I had to unstaple most of my work and do it again. Once I had finished that it was almost time to go home and so me and another TA laminated some stuff for the teacher and I stayed behind to cut the stuff out. I got home at lunch time and I was knackered. I was looking forward to doing nothing over the weekend.

And that’s exactly what I have done! I have read the Hunger Games trilogy (not all in one go but I’m on the last book), which is amazing and I can’t wait for the rest of the films to come out. I’ve also got ideas for more nail art designs, which will be up soon! I finally bought some lilac nail polish! I am so excited to paint my nails later! Also, today my brother is going away for a week on a school trip and my parents are going away until Tuesday. So next week is going to start off as a quiet one. It will be so nice to have the house to ourselves and to not be moaned at, ignored, made to feel like an outsider, like the home you were raised in is now a house as it doesn’t feel as welcome. To just be ourselves and not worry about anyone else but us. I so can’t wait to move out.

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Hannah!

1 Year Anniversary and A Trip To The Zoo!! 06/05/2013

Sunday we had a family barbecue. Jack and I played Monopoly to keep the kids entertain whilst the ‘grown ups’ bitched about mine and Jack’s  life choices and had way too much to drink.

Today is a very big day. Today is our 1st year together! A whole year ago everything was just starting out for us. So much has happened in 365 days. We had our first kiss. Meeting each others parents. Meeting the rest of the family.  Jack moved in with me. We bought our first huge purchase: a double bed. We have a lot of financial issues that even now, haven’t gone away. We tried collage, hated it and doing everything in our power to try and not go back. To get where we want to be by going down a different route. We’ve had our ups and we’ve had our downs. We’ve argued, but always pulled through a thousand times stronger than before. We’ve been kicked out, yelled at, constantly told to clean. But we get by. We know that it will get better.

One day we will have everything we ever dreamed of. A house by the beach. A car. Pets. Babies. Dream jobs. Everything. It’s just getting to that point, which won’t be for a few years. I feel so so soo lucky to have Jack as my own, all to myself. He is the most amazing person I have ever met. He is so kind and caring. To be with me this long he has to have the patience of a Saint. No matter what happens to us, he always takes it in his stride and pulls us through. He is my rock, he is my everything. I never want to live without him. I know I’m only young, but surely when you have found true love. A love you know is never going to end, then it doesn’t matter how old you are.

It seems crazy that a year ago Jack and I were just starting out on our journey, a journey that is no where near ending.

We (Mum, Dad, Jake, Jase, the kids, Dan, Amy, Shell John, Jack and I) all took a trip to Costwald Wildlife park. Considering it was a Bank holiday Monday the weather was beautiful! We had an awesome day, even if during lunch time we got ignored as we wanted to sit in the shade and everyone else sat in the sun. Even with the hot sun, short sleeved t-shirts, no sun cream I still managed not to tan. Oh the joys of being lily white. Still we had a really good family day out.

Here are some pictures from the day!

Awkward giraffe!

Sleepy Leo!

Almost dropped the camera in here as the kids ran up behind me and scared me!

Baby Lemurs!

Pretty flower gardens!

Hello!

These are the prettiest flowers I have ever seen!

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Hannah!

I Hate Make Up 04/05/2013

May the 4th be with you! Sorry I just had to..

So on Saturday I was just searching random stuff on Youtube I came across a Youtuber who did hair/makeup and she was amazing. I watched loads of her videos from how to dye wash in wash out hair dye, different hair styles and make up looks. I got a lot out of her videos. So I decided to have a go at doing my make up. I’ve never been any good at doing make up. I have never had any need to apply it regularly,  and very rarely use it. However when ever I envision myself wearing a certain look, it never turns out how I wanted it to, so I just never wear it. Also it’s just a pain, I always rub my eyes forgetting I had any make up on.

So wanting to trying to do make up in a new way is new for me. My make up bag is small and consists of 3 eye pencils, 2 eyeliners, 3 mascaras,  2 lip stains, 1 pot of foundation and 1 mineral foundation.  And a small bag with different make up brushes. When I first started experimenting with makeup it was mainly eye pencils, then concealers as I have bluey purpleish thumb prints under my eyes. Mascara soon followed. I found what I liked and what I suited best.  So I experimented different styles of eyeliners, putting on foundation and a better technique in concealing under eyes. When I had finished, I immediately showed Jack. I felt really happy with how I looked. Jack looked at me and asked if I wanted his honest opinion, I always want his honest opinion so I nodded. He got straight to the point and told me he didn’t like it. It crushed me when he said that, I so hoped he would like it. It reminded me of when I was experimenting  makeup a few year’s ago. I was wearing heavy eyeliner and a few members of family came round for some reason I can’t remember. They had never seen my latest makeup fad, I wanted them to comment on how they thought I looked pretty. But they just said that I was going through ‘That stage’ and gave me a mocking smile. Since then I never wore makeup, I never felt confident enough in myself to wear it. If my family thought I looked bad, what must other people think?! Those thoughts plagued me from then on, I never had confidence to wear anything that didn’t cover my legs/torso/sometimes arms or makeup. But recently I realised other people don’t give a shit what you wear, they have better things to think about than how you look. Besides even if they have a passing comment on how you look, they don’t know you. Who are they to judge what you’re wearing/your makeup? No one!

But with people you love and who love you are different as they’re opinion matters the most. Feeling stupid for thinking I looked OK, I wiped all the makeup off. I felt jealous how some women can so easily put on makeup and pull it off. I guess for me it’s getting used to wearing makeup. The same goes for Jack, after I had taken all the makeup off, he said that he isn’t used to seeing me with it on. But even after trying out makeup, not wearing any is more comfy for me. Don’t get me wrong I love wearing eyeliner and mascara, but I’ll save it for special occasions and outings.

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Hannah!

Hedgehogs and TA Jobs 30/04/2013 – 03/05/2013

Tuesday wasn’t very exiting, I went to work. The weather has improved immensly over the past few days, it’s gotten so much warmer! It feels like summer is only round the corner. Wednesday I went to school all day and I met more people and learnt new things – like how to write in their hand writing! Throughout the day I got more and more confused about what I want in life. Do I really want to be a teacher, to control a class of up to 42? I don’t know the answer. Maybe being a teaching assistant, working with smaller groups is better, maybe even being a specialist TA working with autistic children or children who have other needs or problems. There were just so many different things running through my head I almost broke down at lunch time. I so badly wanted Jack to help me, give me a cuddle and tell me that everything will work itself out. But I still had the rest of the day to go through, so I put on a brave face and held out till after school. I know I have said this before but its so hard to know what do with with the rest of your life when you’re 16/17. I don’t want to settle in a job that I don’t really enjoy, most of my family are in jobs they settled for. No one is in their dream job. So I find it’s important to me to find a job I love and not be miserable at work and take out a shitty day on my kids. If push comes to shove then I will settle, probably in an office or something. But not matter how shitty my job is or how crappy my day is, I know that when I come home it will be to a family. Not just any family, my family. They will love me and they will be the reason why I go to my shitty job. I would rather, if it came to it, have a shitty job and come home to a happy family.

When I got home I talked things out with Jack and like I said, he told me everything will work itself out. I cleaned the house, then as my new charger came for my camera, Jack and I decided to go out. We ended up going over to Pets At Home. We looked at all their pets in the cages and talked about the pets we will have when we have our house/flat and what we will buy them as treats and their names. They had white chinchillas, which are rare. So I named them Icicle and Raisin. I thought they were more original than Snowy. We had fun walking round, it’s been ages since we have just gone on a walk. It was so nice, it felt like we were free again to roam round (not that there are many nice places to roam around where we live. It’s full of chavs, seriously).

In the evening I felt a bit weird, as it turned out I had sun stroke from being out for an hour or so directly in the sun. Which is just my luck. I really don’t like sunstroke, it makes me feel tired, not hungry and just weird. That’s why I don’t really like going out in the sun for long periods of time in the summer. I don’t fare well in the sun or heat. So when we go to the beach, I start to feel ill towards the evening and it was hard to get to sleep. Thursday I still felt weird, I didn’t really want to go to work. But I did and by the time we got home I felt better. Also on the way home we saw a hedgehog!

Me and Henry the Hodgeheg!

Friday morning I threw a bit of a tantrum. It wasn’t as bad as last Wednesday’s, I managed to wak to the school. After an hour or so, I put on a brave fade and went in. It was lucky that I went in, I went to my first TA meeting and found out that to be a TA you only need GCSE English and maths above C, and if you don’t have experience being a TA then you won’t get a TA job. And I’m getting both! The woman leading the meeting said that they will help with any training, all I have to do is ask. Then a girl who works in the gym with me, who is also a TA said that I could shadow when working with certain children! I couldn’t believe it! Everything seemed to be going right! As I was with year 5, the teacher said that she would give me a routine so I could get used to it. I am so happy that the school are willing to help me get where I want to be.

Check back soon

Hannah!